Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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