As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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