I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sponge bath it is.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
