Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
honey bunches of taint.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
