i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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