call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
