and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
