Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
