just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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