OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
