Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
