is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
