Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
