toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
