i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
