Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
