I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
