Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
