Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
