so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
