Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
