Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
