someone threw a dead crab at me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
