so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My bed smells like the plague
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
