oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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