I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
