I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
