Welp...herpes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
