so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
