why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
