This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
