Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
