Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
