He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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