Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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