dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
