Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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