We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
