Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
