she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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