8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
