Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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