The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
