This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
