Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
