The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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