at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
