He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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