you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
