I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
